A mom asked her elder kid to explain diwali to his brother ..
“So look, this dude Ram had, like a big kingdom,
& people liked him but like his step mom or sumthin, was kinda weird and she forced her hubby to send this Ram to some jungle or something..
Coz he was goin for 14yrs, So his wife n bro got along..(U know just 2 chill)
But dude forest was real scary shit.. Was full of devils n things like dat,
but dis dude killed them with arrows..
But den sum bad gangstar Ravan
picked up his babe Sita..
Dis Dude Ram n his bro got real mad…huh….
So dey got an army of monkeys..don’t ask how…Attacked Ravan
got d babe n returned home..People thought atleast dey deserve something.
Dey had no bars or clubs or smoke stuff to party…
So they lit lamps..N this is how it all started .
Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives.
When it’s clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. One day Mike says, “Joe, we both loved cricket all our lives, and we played cricket on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there’s bat and ball there.”
Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed,” Mike, you’ve been my best friend for many years. If it’s at all possible, I’ll do this favour for you.
Shortly after that, Joe passes on.
At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, “Mike–Mike.”
“Who is it? asks Mike sitting up suddenly. “Who is it?”
“Mike–it’s me, Joe.”
“You’re not Joe. Joe just died.”
“I’m telling you, it’s me, Joe,” insists the voice.”
“Joe! Where are you?”
“In heaven”, replies Joe. “I have some really good news and a little bad news.”
“Tell me the good news first,” says Mike.
“The good news,” Joe says,” is that there’s bat and ball in heaven. Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we’re all young again. Better still, it’s always spring time and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play cricket all we want, and we never get tired.”
That’s fantastic,” says Mike. “It’s beyond my wildest dreams! So what’s the bad news?
“You’re in the team for this Saturday’s match !!!”
1. They believe in saving.
2. Believe in saving but buy expensive clothes.
3. Buy expensive clothes but never have anything to wear.
4. Never have anything to wear, but always dressed beautifully.
5. Always dressed beautifully, but never satisfied.
6. Never satisfied, but still expect men to compliment them.
7. Expect men to compliment, but don’t believe them if complimented.
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