Dilbert’s one liners

A good 30 laughs – Dilbert’s one liners:
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I say no to alcohol, it just doesn’t listen.
A friend in need is a pest indeed.
Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
Work is fine if it doesn’t take too much of your time.
When everything comes in your way you’re in the wrong lane.
The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train..
Born free, taxed to death.
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don’t have film.
Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants.
It’s not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.
I love being a writer… what I can’t stand is the paperwork..
A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.
The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?
Beat the 5 O’clock rush, leave work at noon!
If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
It’s not the fall that kills you. It’s the sudden stop at the end.
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Hot glass looks same as cold glass. – Cunino’s Law of Burnt Fingers
The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.
Someday is not a day of the week
Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
The road to success…. Is always under construction.
Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.
In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don’t need it !!!

Funny Quotes, WhatsApp Jokes | English, JOTD, Oneliners | Joker

Funny English One-Liners

The best advertisement line against Pizza, Pasta, Burger, French Fries and all junk food:-
“Few moments on Lips, Forever on Hips!!”

A good medical QUOTE:-
Obesity is not because it runs in the family!!!!!
It is because, no one runs in the family!!!!!

Also Read: Yo’ Mama Is So Stupid Jokes

Funny Quotes | English, Fitness, Oneliners, Pizza | Joker

Chetan Bhagat’s Half Girlfriend becomes butt of jokes

Chetan bhagat released the poster of his new novel Half Girlfriend on twitter.

chetan bhagat half girlfriend novel jokes

Here are some of the jokes flowing around on twitter.

1) Two minutes of silence for all those trees who gave up their lives for Chetan Bhagat’s #HalfGirlfriend

2)
Title demotion…:
5 point someone
3 mistakes of my life
2 States
1 night at call center
1/2 girl friend..
Continue reading

Celebrity Jokes | Chetan Bhagat, English, Girlfriend, Oneliners, Twitter | Joker

Funny Salman Khan’s Kick Jokes #TwitterJokes

Twitter Fans doesn’t leave anyone, Now its Salman Khan’s latest movie KICK, which is becoming butt of jokes on Twitter.

Kick__Salman_Khan__Jokes

1. Earlier they used to wait for moon to come out, now they wait for the release of Salman Khan’s movies to celebrate Eid

2. Kick: Salman Khan wears a mask because he is ashamed of his own movie Kick.

3. When it comes to save Environment, always respect Salman Khan, he never waste a single paper on script of movie.

4. Humshakkals ka baap #KICK. (both directed by different Sajid)

5. Kick movie is a 2 hours 30 minutes advertisement of Suzuki Hayate where Salman Bhai keep saying “Isme Kick hai” Continue reading

Celebrity Jokes, Jokes | Hindi, Oneliners, Salman Khan, Twitter | Joker

Funny Virat Kohil, Anushka Sharma Jokes

This time, Its Kohli and Anushka’s turn, who are trending on twitter. (After he is not able to score at Lord’s, in test match against England)
After Anushka Sharma’s Lip Job Jokes, She is again trending coz of affair with Virat Kohli.

Here are some of the best jokes floating around…

Virat-Anushka

Virat Kohli – What do you like about me ?

Anushka Sharma – Teri Gaaliya , gaaliya teri gaaliya .

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When Virat Kohli Gets Out, Anushka Sharma Trends On Twitter And Fb

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“A ‘golden duck’ is all Virat Kohli could gift Anushka Sharma at the Lord’s” Continue reading

Celebrity Jokes, Jokes | Anushka Sharma, Oneliners, Twitter, Virat Kohli | Joker

Patni aur Kaam-wali Bai ke beech baatein

Agar aap Patni aur Kaamwali bai ke beeche vartalaap par Gaur karein,
To kaafi saare ‘One-Liners’ aise hote hain Maano Ek Premika apne Premi se baat kar rahi ho.

Suno… Kal time se aa jaana, haa

Kal 2 baar aa jaana na…
Dekho main intezaar karungi.. Dhokha mat de dena end time pe
Continue reading

Husband Wife Jokes, WhatsApp Jokes | Hindi, JOTD, Maid, Oneliners | Joker

Rajnikanth Jokes – Best 41 One-Liners

Rajnikanth-superstar-jokes

After Top 25 Rajnikanth One-liners, here are few more!

1. When Pope walks with Rajnikanth, People ask “Who is that guy in robe?”
2. Rajnikanth can cure cancer with his first aid box
3. Gabbar singh forgets his dialogues when he sees Rajnikanth
4. Rajini can eat dosa with chop sticks
5. Once Rajnikanth was walking on the highway, he was caught for over speeding
6. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Rajnikanth out. It failed miserably
7. The only thing that runs faster and longer than Rajnikanth are his films.
8. When Rajnikanth walks on road, he actually does not walk, the road walks under him.
9. An e-mail was sent from pune to mumbai and Rajnikanth stopped it in lonavala.
10. Once a cobra bit Rajinikanth’leg, after five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
11. The ice age ended when Rajnikant lost his cool.
12. Rajnikant had died 20 yrs ago, death hasn’t built up the courage to tell him yet.
13. Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Rajanikanth’s PC will crash.
14. Rajnikant sneezed only once in his entire life. That was when the tsunami hit.
15. Rajinikanth is a champion in the game “Hide n seek”, as no one can hide from Rajinikanth.
16. Rajinikanth has already been to Mars, that’s why there are no signs of life there.
17. Rajinikanth once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are today called giraffes
18. Rajnikant got his driver’s license at the age of 16 seconds.
19. Ghosts are actually caused by Rajanikanth killing people faster than Death can process them.
20. Rajinikanth kills Harry Potter in the eighth book.
21. Initially, Superman couldn’t fly. Then he met Rajnikant. You see, fear gives you wings!!!
22. When Rajnikant logs on to facebook.com, facebook updates its status message!
23. Rajni once killed 20 men just by saying “BANG”
24. Rajnikanth knows Victoria’s secret.
25. Rajinkanth can divide by zero.
26. Rajnikanth has counted to infinity, twice.
27. When Rajinikanth gives you the finger, he’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
28. Rajnikanth doesn’t breathe… air comes to hide in his lungs
29. One day Rajani thought to play cricket in monsoon and rain stopped due to play….
30. Rajnikant’s house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
31. Rajnikant grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
32. Rajnikant once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills, they just made him blink.
33. Where there is a will, there’s a way. Where there is Rajnikant, there is no other way!!
34. Rajnikanth killed Spiderman using Baygon Anti Bug Spray.
35. One day Rajnikant bunked school. Since then it is known as Sunday.
36. Rajinikant is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
37. When Rajnikanth get angry at the Sun, it hides behind the moon… that phenomenon is called Solar eclipse.
38. Rajinikanth got small pox when he was a kid. As a result small pox is now eradicated.
39. Sun doesn’t rise until Rajinikanth says ‘Good morning’.
40. Rajinikanth was preparing for a spelling test, the rough sheet he used is known as Oxford Dictionary.
41. Rajinikanth was shot today… Tomorrow is the bullet’s funeral!

Now SHARE these to make your friends laugh 😀

Rajnikanth Jokes | English, Oneliners | Joker

Top 25 Rajnikanth Jokes – One Liners

rajnikanth-jokesRajnikanth Doesn’t need any introduction. He is a Superstar in Indian Film Industry. There are many jokes on him. Here is the list of top 25 one-liners.

1. Rajnikant runs until the treadmill gets tired
2. Some magicans can walk on water, Rajnikant can swim through land
3. In Rajnikanth’s wedding, the fire took the saath phere of Rajnikanth and his wife
4. Rajinikanth has a statue of Madame Tussaud in his house!
5. Rajnikant is lovin’ it! – Macdonald’s new tagline
6. Rajanikanth makes onions cry.
7. The new symbol for the Rupee is actually Rajnikanth’s Signature.
8. Rajnikanth can produce fire by rubbing 2 ice cubes
9. Rajnikanth doesn’t answer nature’s call nature answers Rajnikanth’s call!
10. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Rajnikanth.
11. Whenever Rajnikanth makes an error, it’s an invention.
12. When Rajnikant switches on his AC without closing the door, winter starts in India.
13. Why did Superman and Batman visit Rajnikant? Because it was Teachers Day!
14. Rajnikanth can play the violin with a piano
15. Rajnikanth once wrote a cheque, the bank bounced!
16. Rajnikanth can answer a missed call.
17. If Rajinikanth’s PC hangs.. it’s time for next Windows release.
18. People update status via BlackBerry, iPhone, iPad, etc. Rajinikanth updates status via Calculator
19. When Rajinikant croses the Road, the cars have to look left and right before moving.
20. When God watched Robot, he said, “Oh my Rajinikanth!”
21. Rajinikanth doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
22. Once Rajnikanth forgot his toys near Mumbai, that place is now known as Essel World.
23. Rajnikanth never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself in fear.
24. Rajinikanth killed the Dead Sea.
25. When Rajnikanth logs on to facebook, facebook updates its status message!

Rajnikanth Jokes | English, Oneliners | Joker

Now It’s Neil Nitin Mukesh – Memes and Jokes

neil-nitin-mukesh-funny-jokesAfter So much of Rajnikanth, Alok Nath, Kejriwal… Its turn of 3 Most famous Personalities

Neil Nitin  Mukesh 😀

1. Neil Nitin Mukesh vote thrice in election.

2. Neil Nitin Mukesh can vote to three different parties in one election.

3. Kitne aadmi the? Sardar.. 3, Neil Nitin Mukesh

4. Gutthi can do a complete 5 minute intro joke sequence with Neil Nitin Mukesh. “Nitin-Neil, Neil-Nitin, Neil-Mukesh

5. Neil Nitin Mukesh Can’t Ride Bike…Coz Tripling Is Now Allowed..!

6. Happy times for Alok Nath since he’d get to do 3 Kanyadaans at Neil Nitin Mukesh’s wedding.

7. Neil Nitin Mukesh was the reason behind “Kabool hai, kabool hai, kabool hai”

8. Neil Nitin Mukesh can take a hat-trick in a single ball.

9. Sequel of Amar Akbar Anthony will be called Neil Nitin Mukesh

10. Only Neil Nitin Mukesh can complete a Three -years diploma course in just one year.

11. Neil Nitin Mukesh will play Tom, Dick and Harry in the remake.

12. Neil Nitin Mukesh has never done a double role. Because thats not possible.

13. Chetan Bhagat’s next Novel – Three mistake of my life – Neil Nitin Mukesh!!!

14. Neil Nitin Mukesh once booked a ticket on IRCTC and got W/L, RAC & Confirmed ticket for himself!

15. Twitter has verified Neil Nitin Mukesh’s profile thrice. Serious. Screenshot:

neil-nitin-mukesh-1

16.  Neil Nitin Mukesh… Together

neil-nitin-mukesh-2

17. Chess board for Neil Nitin Mukesh

neil-nitin-mukesh-3

Now Tell us in the comments, which one Made you laugh the most!!

Like & SHARE as well.

WhatsApp Jokes | Bollywood, Jokes, Oneliners, Picture | Joker

Funny Alok Nath Jokes

funny-alok-nath-jokes-the-next-rajnikanth Alok Nath has replaced Rajnikant and CID jokes and all memes!!

Enjoy these, Like n Share!

1. When alok nath was born, doctor said “badhai ho, babuji hue hain”

2. Alok Nath school mein bhi lunch box ke badle Prasad le jaya karte the

3. Alok Nath temple run bhi chappal utar kar khelte hain

4. Alok Nath has no friends because he turns “Dosti into Rishteydaari”

5. Alok nath is so sanskari that he smokes agarbattis.

6. Alok Nath celebrated bachelor party in Vaishno Devi.

7. Alok Nath had all senior citizen privileges since he was 6 years old.

8. The only two wars Alok Nath has seen in his life.- Haridwar and Pariwar

9. Alok Nath has such a personality that sometimes his wife calls him bhaisahab!

10. Alok Nath was the first person to call Parle as ParleG

11. In school days, Alok Nath bunked a lecture to attend his daughter’s wedding.

12. Alok Nath has never received salary , he always receives pension

13. Alok Nath reads “All Indians are my brothers and sisters” as “All Indians are my Samdhans and Samdhis”.

14. Alok Nath is someone who is worried about Kanyadaan of the Girl who is yet to be born!

15. Alok Nath’s WhatsApp shows : “Last seen doing Kanyadaan at …”

16. When you type Alok Nath on Google search, “I’m feeling Lucky” changes to “I’m feeling Sanskari”

17. Alok Nath wants Facebook to add ‘Aashirwad’ button.

Alok_Nath_bet-ka-kanyadan-jokes
18. Alok naths morning tea is made with Gangajal

19. Alok naths watch displays only Achchha and Bura Samay

20. Alok Nath convinced Sunny Leone to quit porn.!

21. Alok Nath’s Caller Tune is ‘Babul ki Duaayein Leti Jaa…’

Alok Nath CV Reads as:-

Degree- MBA in Kanyadaan

Skills- Sanskaar

Experience- 10022848 Kanyadaans done

Hobby- Giving Ashirwads!

Celebrity Jokes, WhatsApp Jokes | Alok Nath, Bollywood, English, Hinglish, Jokes, Oneliners | Joker

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