Women will be women

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack & was taken 2 the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience.

Seeing God she asked, “Is my time up ?”

God said, “No, you have another 34 years to live.”

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital
& have a face-lift surgery, liposuction, & tummy tuck. She even changed her hair color

Finally she was released from the hospital.

While crossing the road on her way home, she was killed by a truck.

Arriving in front of God, she asked,

“You said I had another 34 years to live.
Why didn’t you save me from the truck?”

(You’ll love this)
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God replied:

“I couldn’t recognize you!”

———–
Aur karo makeup

WhatsApp Jokes | English, Girls | Joker

If you are Happy, Read this

In a school in Punjab, everyone was singing, “If you’re Happy and you know it, clap your hands” …

Only 3 students clapped their hands….

The rest of them were Sunny, Lucky, Pinky, Bittu, Sonu, Bunny, Guddu, Sweetie, Honey …!!!

Santa Banta Jokes | English | Joker

Wrong English Sentences People use

Terrible English:

1) There is no wind in the football..
2) I talk, he talk, why you middle talk?.
3) You rotate the ground 4 times..
4) You go and understand the tree.
5) I’ll give you clap on ur cheeks..
6) Bring your parents and your mother and especially your father.
7) Close the window airforce is coming.
8) I have two daughters and both are girls..
9) Stand in a straight circle..
10) Don’t stand in front of my back
11) Why Haircut not cut..?
12) Don’t make noise.. principle is rotating in the corridor
13) Why are you looking at the monkey outside the window when I’m here?
14) You talking bad habit
15) Give me a red pen of any colour.
16) Can i have some snow in my cold drink?
17) Pick the paper and fall into the dustbin.
18) Both of u stand together separately.
19) Keep quiet the principal just passed away!!

Jokes | English | Joker

Drunk Husband Joke in English

A man woke up in the morning deeply repentant after a bitter fight with his wife the previous night.

He noticed with dismay the crate of beer bottles that had caused the fight.

He took it outside and started smashing the empty bottles one by one onto the wall.

He smashed the first bottle swearing,
“you are the reason I fight with my wife”.

He smashed the second bottle,
“you are the reason I don’t love my children”.

He smashed the third bottle,
“you are the reason I don’t have a decent job”.

When he took the fourth bottle, he realized that the bottle was still sealed and was full.
He hesitated for only a moment and said
“you stand aside, I know you were not involved”.

Husband Wife Jokes, WhatsApp Jokes | English, Sharabi | Joker

Credit Card Call Joke in English

Call from a bank….

“Hello Mrs Khanna Mam”.
We are offering you credit card with best deals!!!.
1. No annual charges
2. No interest on balance for three months
3. Big credit limit
4. No penalties for over spending.

Smart reply by the lady..
” No thanks “.
I have a husband…
1. With lifetime zero fee
2. No spending limit
3. No penalties and most importantly
4. No repayment forever.

Line cut without a word!!

Husband Wife Jokes | English | Joker

Funny Diwali Joke – Phatakha

Instead of burning a phataka ,,,
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Date a phataka…!!!

Have an eco-friendly diwali..

Applicable to bachelors only!

Coz married people already living with nuclear Bomb

WhatsApp Jokes | Diwali, English | Joker

Nike was founded by Men

Nike was founded by Men,
SO its tagline says..
“Just Do It”

If Nike had been founded by a woman,
its tagline would have been:

“Just do it.. if you want to… I don’t want to force you..
it’s your life, anyway you don’t listen to me…Do what you
want to do… Who am I to say anything… But it has to
happen, and you have to do it!!”

😛 😀

Husband Wife Jokes, WhatsApp Jokes | English | Joker

Friends Rock – Funny English Story

Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives.

When it’s clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. One day Mike says, “Joe, we both loved cricket all our lives, and we played cricket on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there’s bat and ball there.”

Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed,” Mike, you’ve been my best friend for many years. If it’s at all possible, I’ll do this favour for you.

Shortly after that, Joe passes on.

At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, “Mike–Mike.”

“Who is it? asks Mike sitting up suddenly. “Who is it?”

“Mike–it’s me, Joe.”

“You’re not Joe. Joe just died.”

“I’m telling you, it’s me, Joe,” insists the voice.”

“Joe! Where are you?”

“In heaven”, replies Joe. “I have some really good news and a little bad news.”

“Tell me the good news first,” says Mike.

“The good news,” Joe says,” is that there’s bat and ball in heaven. Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we’re all young again. Better still, it’s always spring time and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play cricket all we want, and we never get tired.”

That’s fantastic,” says Mike. “It’s beyond my wildest dreams! So what’s the bad news?

“You’re in the team for this Saturday’s match !!!”

Friends rock! heaven or hell

WhatsApp Jokes, WhatsApp Messages | English | Joker

Funny Complicated Facts about Women

Seven complicated facts about Women:

1. They believe in saving.
2. Believe in saving but buy expensive clothes.
3. Buy expensive clothes but never have anything to wear.
4. Never have anything to wear, but always dressed beautifully.
5. Always dressed beautifully, but never satisfied.
6. Never satisfied, but still expect men to compliment them.
7. Expect men to compliment, but don’t believe them if complimented.

Extremely Complicated!!

Husband Wife Jokes, WhatsApp Jokes | English, Girls | Joker

Funny Drugs for Husbands by Women

Drugs For Husbands!

New drugs for men created by women scientists are waiting for FDA approval…

ANIVERSIA: Triggers memories for birthdays and anniversaries…

SLIMOXIL: Widens male cornea making wives appear slim…

SPORTOBLIND X: Reacts with optic nerve to prevent men from recognizing the word “Sports” on TV…

WORKOCETAMOL: Generates an insatiable desire in men to do household chores…

SHOPHOFOBEX: Makes men eager to take wives for shopping every week and wait patiently…

FLIRTONATE-N: It reduces vision whenever a pretty woman passes by.

VERYTASTYMYCIN : husband always praises wife’s cooking

Husband Wife Jokes, WhatsApp Jokes | English | Joker

Wife wants to relax today!

Wife:
Today, I want to relax,
so I have brought three movie tickets.

Husband: why three tickets?

Wife: you and your parents. 😀

Husband Wife Jokes, WhatsApp Jokes | English | Joker

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