15 Nov 2016
Old Friends meeting after many years.
1st friend : How are you ?
How are the children? Where are they?
2nd Friend: Eldest son is in SBI.
His wife is in ICICI.
Second son is in HDFC.
His wife is in Canara Bank.
Youngest son, not yet married, is in Axis Bank.
1st Friend: So all well settled in Bank jobs?
2nd friend : No, they are all standing in the queues there!
Happy Children’s Day
26 Oct 2016
The great mathematician, Aryabhatta, once askedhis wife,
“Will you let me go out alone & enjoy with my friends over every weekend, every month?”
Wife: What is the Probability of me saying yes as per your calculation ?
That’s when Aryabhatta discovered Zero!!
22 Aug 2016
What a day ….69 yrs back both India and Pakistan got independence
Indians have become CEOs of Google, Microsoft, Pepsico, Jaguar, Land Rover
Pakistani have become heads of Taliban, Al-Qaeda, Jammat U Dawa, Hijbul Mujahideen
What a contrast…… Adding a line to this joke …
India reached Mars and Pakistan still trying to enter India
This message should reach every Indian all over the world…
25 Jan 2016
A 54 year old woman had a heart attack & was taken 2 the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death experience.
Seeing God she asked, “Is my time up ?”
God said, “No, you have another 34 years to live.”
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital
& have a face-lift surgery, liposuction, & tummy tuck. She even changed her hair color
Finally she was released from the hospital.
While crossing the road on her way home, she was killed by a truck.
Arriving in front of God, she asked,
“You said I had another 34 years to live.
Why didn’t you save me from the truck?”
(You’ll love this)
“I couldn’t recognize you!”
Aur karo makeup
23 Jan 2016
In a school in Punjab, everyone was singing, “If you’re Happy and you know it, clap your hands” …
Only 3 students clapped their hands….
The rest of them were Sunny, Lucky, Pinky, Bittu, Sonu, Bunny, Guddu, Sweetie, Honey …!!!
Santa Banta Jokes
23 Jan 2016
1) There is no wind in the football..
2) I talk, he talk, why you middle talk?.
3) You rotate the ground 4 times..
4) You go and understand the tree.
5) I’ll give you clap on ur cheeks..
6) Bring your parents and your mother and especially your father.
7) Close the window airforce is coming.
8) I have two daughters and both are girls..
9) Stand in a straight circle..
10) Don’t stand in front of my back
11) Why Haircut not cut..?
12) Don’t make noise.. principle is rotating in the corridor
13) Why are you looking at the monkey outside the window when I’m here?
14) You talking bad habit
15) Give me a red pen of any colour.
16) Can i have some snow in my cold drink?
17) Pick the paper and fall into the dustbin.
18) Both of u stand together separately.
19) Keep quiet the principal just passed away!!
21 Jan 2016
Once a father beats up his son and when son starts crying, the father says sorry.
Smart Son says : Take a piece of paper. Crumble it. Fold it. Now open it. Say “sorry” to it. Are the scars on the paper gone? Nahi na.. Relationships are like this .
Smarter Dad says : Take my scooter and try to start. does it start ? Nahin naa… Now give it 3-4 kicks. Now does it start ? Hua na… Haram-khor.. Tu wahi scooter hai, koi paper – waper nahi. Aage se ye Facebook/WhatsApp wale gyaan apne baap ko mat dena.
19 Jan 2016
A man woke up in the morning deeply repentant after a bitter fight with his wife the previous night.
He noticed with dismay the crate of beer bottles that had caused the fight.
He took it outside and started smashing the empty bottles one by one onto the wall.
He smashed the first bottle swearing,
“you are the reason I fight with my wife”.
He smashed the second bottle,
“you are the reason I don’t love my children”.
He smashed the third bottle,
“you are the reason I don’t have a decent job”.
When he took the fourth bottle, he realized that the bottle was still sealed and was full.
He hesitated for only a moment and said
“you stand aside, I know you were not involved”.
Husband Wife Jokes, WhatsApp Jokes
26 Dec 2015
Samsung has just incorporated a new feature in their latest hand set …
Concept: Make in India !
Say ‘Modi’ ….’Modi’ … twice in your handset and it goes into flight mode.
Say Singh Singh twice & it will take you to silent mode.
Say Arnaab Arnaab twice & it will swith on the loud speaker.
Say Kejri kejri twice & it will start shivering and go into vibrating mode.
Say Rahul Rahul twice & it will switch off the phone.
Kejriwal, Narendra Modi, Rahul Gandhi
22 Dec 2015
A boy went to propose a girl
Boy : Hey baby, I love u..!! Will you marry me?
Girl : What’s ur status??
Boy : I m the owner of my own big village and I have 1 security,own army,gold mine and wine
Girl : Love you 2 honey. yes Yes
Girl asked the boy where is your village…
And the Boy opens Clash of Clans
08 Dec 2015
Call from a bank….
“Hello Mrs Khanna Mam”.
We are offering you credit card with best deals!!!.
1. No annual charges
2. No interest on balance for three months
3. Big credit limit
4. No penalties for over spending.
Smart reply by the lady..
” No thanks “.
I have a husband…
1. With lifetime zero fee
2. No spending limit
3. No penalties and most importantly
4. No repayment forever.
Line cut without a word!!
Husband Wife Jokes